A Million Little Pieces #4

James is very set against believing in a higher power, especially God. He has even read the bible but it just does not ring through with him. Seeing as how the AA program centers around the concept of a higher power this creates a problem. Instead of putting his belief in God, but puts it in love. In a way its odd because they are both very similar. Neither God nor love can be seen or proven to exist, you can only feel in it and trust in it. James decides to put his faith in Lily. Lily is the girl he met briefly on his first day. They begin sneaking out to the woods together at night and developing a close bond. They are both very messed up and have a certain comfort with each other knowing that this connects them. The only issue is that socialization between sexes isn’t allowed. Joanne finds out about their little meetings and confronts James, “You should be concentrating on what you’re here for, which is getting sober and rebuilding your life. Lilly is a distraction that takes you away from that. Both of you are very fragile and vulnerable right now, and if something went wrong between the two of you, it would jeopardize your sobriety” (254). Joanne is trying to keep Lily and James apart when it is the only thing that will make him better.

Shortly after leaving his meeting with Joanne, he is called back to her office and informed that his parents have enrolled in the family program. What he calls “the fury”, his uncontrollable anger, immediately flares up. He is not close with his parents and for some reason whenever they turn up, the fury gets stronger. His mother asks him to quit smoking and he replies, “I’ll give you a choice, Mom. I can either smoke cigarettes or smoke crack. You make the call. She recoils, obviously hurt. I knew it would happen, but I did it anyway” (258). Even though he doesn’t want to hurt his mom, being mean is his ultimate defense.